


Thomas Müller's Day Off

by mariposaroja



Category: Football RPF
Genre: :(, Crack, Ferris Bueller's Day Off inspired, Gen, I almost wrote Marco into this, Kinda, M/M, Manu is 1000 percent done, Thomas is an Idiot, die mannschaft are close to rioting, it had to be done, mario saves the day, set during the 2014 World Cup, suspicious basti is suspicious, that is not a euphemism, two person biking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 11:45:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6904621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariposaroja/pseuds/mariposaroja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thomas contends that he has great ideas. Manu just wishes he'd have less of them.<br/>Because, pulling a sickie to go exploring the Brazilian countryside is <i>definitely</i> going to end well...<br/><i>Manu had to try his absolute hardest not to go off on a rant that would finish sometime two days from now. “I’ve never hated you more than I do right now, Mülli…” </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Thomas Müller's Day Off

**Author's Note:**

> So I had to write this (or finish it considering I started over a year ago...) because every time I watch Ferris Bueller's Day Off all I can think of is Thomas. So he had to have his own day off. You can read this as having pairings or not, whatever floats your boat. All I know is I'm a big Neuller shipper ;) The places are not specified because I just wanted to write something fun and couldn't adhere too much to real life occurrences.  
> Hope you enjoy!

"Hey, Thomas? You never showed up for breakfast so I brought you some Nutella croi-"  
_What the actual fuck?_  
Nothing- _nothing_ \- could have prepared Manu for what he saw when he entered their shared hotel room: Thomas. Lying in bed. With the team doctor hovering over him. Who was wearing a surgical mask... His team mate was practically doubled over, clutching his stomach and groaning like someone who had been severely winded. _Am I missing something or...?_  "What's going on?" he wondered warily, letting the fire door close with a dull thud behind him.

"Ah, Neuer. Your room mate here appears to have a stomach bug," the team doctor stated, looking up briefly from his patient.

 _A... What?_ "A stomach bug?" He was pretty sure that Thomas had been completely fine when he left the room about half an hour ago so unless it was the quickest working bug in history...

The doctor nodded solemnly. "Either that or he’s ingested something that’s made him ill but his symptoms would suggest otherwise.”

"Are- are you sure it's not some kind of tropical disease?" Thomas croaked and Manu had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. "The team needs me."

_Wow, how valiant..._

"Quite sure, Müller. Your symptoms are completely consistent with a stomach bug. A nasty one, but a stomach bug nonetheless. You should be fine in about twenty four hours but until then... I'm afraid you're going to have to stay put in this room. For your own sake and the sake of your team mates."

"What about Manu? Weren't you complaining of a stomach ache earlier on? Is there a chance he could have it too?"

The captain narrowed his eyes, wondering exactly what angle his supposed best friend was taking on this. _Was I?_ He silently asked and, unsurprisingly, he received a very pointed but well hidden look from his roommate.

"Is that so?"

 _Why is it always me??_ Thinking that Thomas owed him so much for this, Manu nodded his head. "It's been coming and going all morning. I was too nauseous at breakfast to really eat anything. I just thought that it was just what we ate last night..."

The doctor frowned, shaking his head apologetically. "I'm sorry, Neuer, but you're going to have to stay here too. It's better to be safe than have the whole team infected! At least the two of you will be able to look after each other and keep each other company... Now, I was supposed to be going on the trip with the rest of the team but if you would prefer I could stay here at the hotel. You know, so I can keep an eye on you?"

Manu could have sworn he saw a hint of panic in his team mate’s face. _You're definitely up to something..._

Thomas coughed dramatically. "No, it's okay. Really. Manu and I can take care of each other, right?" he asked, not waiting for an answer. "You go ahead. If it's a bug there's not much you can do anyway, right? We just have to let it run its course..."

"Hmm, I guess you're right. As long as you're sure you'll be okay?"

"We'll be _fine_ ," Manu answered, figuring that he must have seemed a little too quiet.

"He's right. We can snuggle up and watch a movie."

_Dear god, please stop talking._

Thankfully, the doctor chuckled at that, moving across the room and towards the door. "I'll keep in contact. You both have your phones?"

"Yep. All charged up. It's a pity, I was so looking forward to doing that hill climb..."

"Don't worry about that, Mülli. You just concentrate on getting better. I'll have the receptionist send up some fresh bottles of water. Call me if there are any problems."

Thomas muttered his thanks and Manu bit his tongue as he opened the door for the team doctor, waiting impatiently for him leave so he could get to the bottom of this. Silence descended upon the room, the only audible sound the closing of the door. As soon as it was safe, Thomas, who was actually fully dressed, threw the covers off himself and hopped up out of bed.

"Okay, you have exactly five seconds to tell me what the hell is going on," Manu said firmly, trying his very best to be patient with the younger man.

"I really didn't want to do that hill walk so I thought it would be nice for the two of us to go exploring together."

"Right. And you didn't think of informing _me_ of this plan?"

With a simple shrug, the striker sat down on the edge of the bed and began pulling on his shoes. "I knew you'd say no."

 _Give me patience._ "Of course I'd say no! Seriously, in what universe is this a good idea? The last thing we need is to be suspended during the _world cup_!"

"Well it's a good thing that we're not going to get caught then, isn't it? And even if we did- which we won't- Jogi would have to be completely out of his mind to suspend _us_. So relax and live a little!"

Manu looked up at the ceiling, silently wondering what he had done in a previous life to deserve being stuck with this idiot as a best friend. He knew he should say no, just put his foot down and tell Thomas that this was completely insane. But he didn't. And that was mainly because he would feel better about the whole situation if he was there to keep an eye on his team mate. The thought of Thomas Müller roaming through _Brazil_ by _himself_ was enough to make him shudder. "You literally owe me for the rest of your life."

The young man beamed, rising from the bed to hug his best friend. "Anything you want," he gave (or attempted to give) him a cheeky wink, "You're going to love it, trust me."

"We'll see... Now tell me, how exactly do you propose we wander around without anyone recognising us? I can't wait to hear what _fool proof_ plan you've come up with..."

Thomas grinned. "This is the best part. I've already taken the liberty of hiring bikes for us so the helmets will easily conceal our identities."

Manu had to admit that he was at least a little surprised by that, pleasantly so. Because, really, it wasn't the worst plan he could have come up with. But that didn't mean that it was one hundred percent watertight. "But don't we need licences for that? And isn't it a bit dangerous? If we end up injured, or worse _dead_ , Jogi will kill us."

“Don't worry, I've got it all sorted. We're not going to get injured."

 _Why am I trusting you with this??_ He opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by a brisk knock on the door.

Thomas practically jumped out of his skin and, before Manu even knew what was happening, he leaped into bed, pulling the covers up to just below his chin. The goalkeeper just stood there, dumbstruck.

"It could be Jogi!" the younger man hissed and Manu realised that he should probably answer the door, allowing just enough time for Thomas to look sufficiently sick.

Fortunately it was not their manager but one Bastian Schweinsteiger, who looked very confused at the sight of his Bayern team mate tucked up in bed.

"Basti."

"Manu. Um... we were getting ready to get on the bus and you and Thomas were missing in action..."

"Yeah. The doctor's just been here. Mülli's got this highly contagious stomach bug and we're being quarantined..."

Bastian arched an eyebrow mischievously. "Stomach bug, eh? When are you due, Mülli?"

"Around the same time as Poldi," the striker bit back and Manu definitely only smiled a little bit...

"Hey!" an indignant voice came from the hallway and suddenly Lukas appeared in the doorway.

_Of course, wherever Basti is Poldi is always close by._

"You better go before you become infected," Thomas croaked, acting as if he was on his death bed, "Enjoy the trip. Take lots of pictures for us..."

Manu was pretty sure that Bastian saw right through them but there wasn't really much he could do about that. "Right... Well it will be quiet on the bus without you, Thomas. Hope you... feel better soon or whatever."

He shot Manu a look that pretty much said "I pity you" and "don't murder him" at the same time. Lukas grimaced at the 'patient' before disappearing along with Basti.

"How did you even manage to convince a highly trained medical professional that you're sick? Seriously, you are _the_ worst actor I have ever come across in my life."

Thomas gave an exaggerated roll of his eyes, throwing the covers off him and getting up once again. "Relax, they're not going to say anything. Now grab whatever you need. We'll wait five minutes after the bus is gone and then we'll leave."

*

“What the _fuck_ is this?”

Manu had felt a nervous excitement building in his stomach as they made their way out to the car park of the hotel. It was something he always experienced whenever he rode a motorcycle which, admittedly, was very seldom as it wasn't exactly the safest mode of transport. The anxiety also had something to do with the fact that _Thomas Müller_ would also be riding one, a realisation that made him a whole lot more sceptical. _You're probably going to die._

That was until…

Manu’s eyes narrowed and he could feel the anger beginning the bubble inside him as they came to collect their mode of transportation for the day.

Thomas grinned back at him. “Our bikes! I’m so excited.”

“You know what this is?” the goalkeeper wondered through gritted teeth, “Misrepresentation, that’s what it is! You said we were riding motorcycles!”

“I never said such a thing! Are you kidding me? Do you want to get us killed? I told you that we would be riding _bikes_ , as in the literal sense of the word.”

 _Run. You better fucking run._ “And that would be fine, but _bikes_ implies that there is more than _one_.”

Proudly displayed before them was not _two_ bikes of any shape or form but a _two person_ bike.

“This better be a joke, Thomas. I’m serious. I’m not getting on a two person bike with you! Are you trying to draw attention to us?”

The younger man held his hands up in surrender. “You may not have realised but there is this little tournament called the World Cup on at the moment. People want to experience the wonders of Brazil just like us. This was all I could get at such short notice. Don’t worry though, it’ll be a good bonding experience!”

 _That’s if you don’t drive me to cycle the both of us off the nearest cliff…_ Jaw still taught in disbelief, Manu shook his head to himself as he marvelled at the situations he found himself in whenever Thomas Müller was around. And being masochistic as he was, he always stuck with him. For a moment he contemplated leaving his team mate to tackle the two person bike himself and just go back to the hotel but Manu soon realised that there was nothing to go back for. He would just be stuck in the room all day, watching programmes that he couldn’t even understand. “I’m literally never trusting you again, you know that right?” he wondered, just a little bit sullen, as he grabbed one of the helmets that also been supplied and pulled it on, fastening it beneath his chin.

Thomas grinned back at him and gave him a hug that Manu absolutely hated because it made him smile… but only just a tiny bit. Not enough to completely forgive him, that’s for sure. Deciding that, all things considered, it was for the best, he claimed the first of the two seats. At least that way there would be less of a chance of death or grievous bodily injury resulting.

Thomas climbed on the back, almost knocking them both off in the process, and they were ready to set off. _I can’t believe that I call myself a professional sportsman…_ “Mülli?”

“Yeah?”

“Where exactly are we going?”

“I was thinking that we could just follow the road and see where that takes us?”

“Fine. But I’m navigating and we’re not going that far away from the hotel, okay? The last thing we need is to get lost. Although if I came back to the hotel without you I could just say that you finally succumbed to the life threatening illness that is your ‘highly contagious stomach bug’. Your fragile body was just no match for it.”

Thomas stuck his tongue out at his best friend but grinned nonetheless. “My body is _not_ fragile,” he assured him, completely failing at winking.

With a roll of his eyes, Manu put on his sunglasses knowing that sun in his eyes was the last thing he needed while using that death trap, and readied himself to set off. “Maybe I _should_ just tell the truth. I’ll probably be welcomed as a hero for losing Thomas Müller…”

“Hey! Just remember I’m working half of this bike! I could easily let you just cycle me around.”

_It’s going to be a long day._

 

“GAH! Ugh, NO- Don’t – AGH. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

“I’m pedalling!” Thomas insisted, holding his hands up in surrender and therefore releasing his grasp on the handlebars. Manu immediately wobbled, having to hold up the bike under the weight of two fully grown men, and cursed to himself.

“Yes. I can see that! _Do not let go of the handlebars!_ Okay, we’re going to try this again.”

It had been over five minutes and they had yet to move more than a couple of feet from where they had actually found the bike. A two person bike was significantly harder to ride than your average bike, apparently, and every attempt at setting off had left them both with more and more scratches and grazes on their calves and ankles.

“Okay,” Manu said firmly, the control freak that he usually kept successfully hidden inside him now starting to really shine through. But he was a goalkeeper- that was unavoidable. “I’ll start, you just follow my lead, okay?”

“Fine, you go right ahead.”

With the concentration of someone who was about to take off on a unicycle across a tightrope above a canyon, Manu began working the pedals. Right foot, left foot, right foot… It was difficult to start off because of the weight load but he managed to get the bike crawling a couple of feet forward. _Okay, I think we’ve_ finally _got it…_ And they did. That was until Thomas started pedalling too and then the whole thing went to shit again. Somehow- god only knows how it happened- the bike tipped over and the two footballers ended up in a pile of tangled limbs, chains and metal bars.

Manu had to try his absolute hardest not to go off on a rant that would finish sometime two days from now. “I’ve never hated you more than I do right now, Mülli…”

 

“Okay, so I’m the captain, okay?”

“You’re the captain?”

Nodding, the goalkeeper scrolled further down the screen, a crease forming between his eyebrows. “Yeah, that’s what it says right here. Ah, so that’s where we’ve been going wrong… You need to have both feet on the pedals before I even have one foot.”

“But won’t I just collapse the bike?”

“Apparently not… Just do it. You need to start pedalling okay as soon as I- WHAT PART OF ‘ _AS SOON AS I’_ DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND? Wait until I put away the phone first, okay? _Then_ you can start pedalling.” _This is turning in to a saga and we haven’t even left the car park… It’s not too late to go back to the hotel._

“Okay?” Thomas asked, seeking confirmation before any more accidents happened.

Manu nodded. “Okay. Slowly!” He waited patiently as his team mate got the bike moving again, on guard just in case it toppled over once again. Thankfully it didn’t and he was able to hop up on the seat and start pedalling too. Five feet, ten feet, twenty five feet… It was the furthest they’d gotten so far but the bike kept moving forward, the tiniest bit unsteady but not enough that would mean they had to stop. Soon enough, they were at the exit out onto the main road and Manu prayed to god that they would live to see the end of the day.

 

Thankfully, after about ten minutes of travelling down the heavily trafficked roads, they were still very much alive and unscathed which was always a good thing. There had been one or two close calls but those had all involved turning corners and they seemed to have gotten a hang of that. Despite his scowl and unwillingness to actually enjoy himself, Manu had to admit that seeing Brazil like that was absolutely breathtaking. Being amongst the natives as they went about their daily business, not in some heavily commercialised setting, was truly an experience. He did, however, get the feeling that they were being mocked; the sideways glances and wry smiles from those they passed were enough to tell him that. _We look like a couple._

Risking a glance back at the younger man, who of course had a stupid grin on his face and was obviously having the time of his life, Manu decided that he didn’t really care.

Keeping on track was a bit of a struggle. The whole place was just so beautiful and _real_ that every single side road was like an invitation, trying its very best to lure them away from the main road with the promise of even more beauty. Manu was thankful that he was the captain and not Thomas so that he could literally keep them on the straight and narrow. God only knows where they would have ended up if the roles were reversed.

A stop was soon needed as their legs began to tire (wouldn’t want to be too sore for training the following day). The midday heat beat down on top of them, radiating off their helmets and glasses, so some hydration was also badly needed or else they really would fall ill. As he downed some of the water that they had purchased from a local shop, Manu’s blood almost ran as cold as the liquid when he realised that they would have to start from scratch and get going on the bike once again. To be fair, they really seemed to be getting the hang of it but the area was heavily populated and the prospect of completely humiliating themselves like some real tourists in front of all the locals was hugely unappealing.

“Mülli?”

“Hmm?”

Unable to keep from rolling his eyes as some water dribbled down the younger man’s chin, Manu replaced the cap on his bottle, thankful there was a holder of some kind on the bike. “How about we walk for a little bit?”

Arching an eyebrow, Thomas put down the bottle, looking at him as if he were crazy. “Why would we do that? We’d look like idiots.”

 _Yep, because two grown men on a fucking tandem bike don’t look like idiots already._ “We’re already there, in case you haven’t noticed,” the goalkeeper half glared, “And I’d rather not have the whole village laughing at us when we fail miserably at the take-off. _Again_.”

Okay, so maybe he did have a point. “Fine. We can see a beach from the hotel, right? How about we start walking in that direction and once we’re out of the way a bit we can get back on?”

Manu felt like he should probably protest to that but, frankly, going to the beach was probably the best idea the other man had had all day. And that definitely wasn’t saying much. “Fine. You grab the left handlebar, I’ll grab the right.”

 

“Isn’t this nice?” Thomas asked as they walked along the uneven back road, trying to avoid the potholes as they pushed the bike along. It was like fifty degrees and his German skin was no match for the Brazilian sun but Manu supposed it wasn’t too bad. Not that he’d admit that much to the other man.

Thomas didn’t look for an answer. Instead, he stopped, telling his team mate to hold onto the bike as he pulled his phone of his pocket. Manu just watched him curiously, and warily, wondering if the younger man was doing what he thought he was.

“Thomas? What are you doing…”

“It’s insanely beautiful here, it would be a shame not to share it with the fans- oh.” He may have forgotten that they were meant to be back in the hotel in their beds, puking their guts up. “I’ll just keep it for myself then…”

They continued on their way, only getting back on the bike when they grew tired of walking and were satisfied that a car wouldn’t come and hit them if they failed in their take off. Again. A comfortable silence overcame them as they pedalled down the, thankfully not too winding road, and Manu had to admit that it felt good to have a bit of tranquillity for a while (though he never thought he’d used the word tranquil in the presence of Thomas Müller…). It felt remarkably liberating to be away from the pressure that came with being with the German team, even if just for a little while.

 

It had been more than fifteen minutes since they’d gotten back on the bike and they still hadn’t reached their destination. The sun beating down on them was making Manu sweat like he was after completing five training sessions in a row- the last thing they needed was to get lost. He was just about to suggest that they turn back and cut their losses when a glimmer on a thin strip of turquoise appeared on the horizon.

“Yes! Nearly there! Thank god, I don’t think I could keep going for much longer.”

Just smiling, Manu peddled that little bit quicker, invigorated by the prospect of sitting down and relaxing on the fine, white sand. It took no more than another ten minutes but they finally got there. Though it was not exactly what either had pictured- it was secluded, with dark grainy sand with one too many pebbles in it, so unlike what they were used to seeing in Brazil, but it was perfect. Because it was just them, with no one else for miles to take pictures and potentially make them lose their places on the team. Or worse, get sent back to Germany and have to watch the rest to the competition on a tv and-

 _Deep breaths, Manu. Deep breaths_.

Everything was fine. Jogi and co would never suspect a thing…

Grinning, the striker, gently as he could because he wanted his deposit back, leaned the bike up against a tree. “Fancy a swim?”

 _Really?_ “No thanks… Don’t fancy cycling all the way back in wet clothes.”

Cocking an eyebrow, the younger man grinned mischievously. “Who said anything about clothes?”

“I walked myself into that one,” he admitted, “How about we just sit down on the sand and just… relax for a while?”

“Relax, sure. I can do relaxation,” he grinned, hopping from rock to rock as he made his way down to the sand and Manu almost wanted to hold his hand, just so he wouldn’t fall and break his neck. It’s not like there wasn’t precedent for it.

“Pff, sure…”

They ended up lying side by side on sand, which was thankfully slightly moist so it didn’t burn them, looking up towards the cloudless sky. Arms between his neck and the ground, Manu let out a small contented sigh as he let his eyes close, feeling the afternoon sun on his face. If anyone were to happen upon them now it would probably be quite the sight- Germany’s star goalkeeper and forward lying on a beach god only knows where, sunbathing while their team are off climbing some mountain in a different part of the region. But since they’d only seen one car so far up the road that it seemed irrelevant, chances are they were safe.

“Just how many pictures of them together do you think Poldi and Schweini are going to post during this tournament?”

 _Ah, Thomas. Always asking the hard-hitting questions._ The goalkeeper’s eyes remained closed, deciding that wasn’t even worth opening them. “What?”

“I have a bet going with Jerome. He says less than 5, I think he’s deluded. It’s nearly a month, I’m saying at least 8.”

“Are we talking from the opening ceremony onwards or including travel?”

Pausing for a moment, Thomas made a mental note to clarify that with Jerome later on. Before it got messy. “Including travel.”

“Then yeah, I think you’ve got that one.”

Silence descended upon them once again, neither feeling the desire or need to say anything. When you were in such close proximity with people for so long, the need to make small chat to avoid awkward silences vanished. No, there was no _need_ to fill the silence… but Thomas loved to talk.

“Hey, Manu?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m getting on your nerves, aren’t I?”

His eyes definitely opened this time. Turning his head towards the striker, Manu’s eyebrows practically raised above his hairline. “What?”

With a tight smile, Thomas gave a little shrug and turned his gaze back to the sky. “I’m not easy to put up with. And I’m sorry for earlier on, I just… need a break sometimes.”

Despite his constant eye-rolling and his dramatics, the truth was that Manu _genuinely_ liked being around his Bayern teammate. So to hear him so self-conscious gave him an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach. “You’re much easier to put up with than some of the others, trust me. But I think it’s because we get each other. Yeah, we’re different; but I think we also make up for what the other lacks.”

A little surprised by the sincerity and seriousness of that answer, the corners of the striker’s mouth tugged upwards as his eyes met Manu’s once again. “Really?”

“Yeah,” he smiled back, “Despite my protestations, this is something we’re going to remember for the rest of our lives. Although we should probably make sure that Jogi doesn’t find out until after he’s retired.”

“Or never,” Thomas offered, chuckling softly.

“Or never. I guess what I’m trying to say is… I wouldn’t change it.”

“Today? Or…?”

“Both.” _You- I wouldn’t change_ you _._

 

“Manu!”

Jolting as he felt a hand shake him, pulling him from the edge of consciousness, the keeper’s eyes widened in shock. He ignored the hand outstretched to him by his team mate, rubbing his eyes both as a result of the fatigue and blinding sun as he slowly sat up, trying to get his bearings once again. “What?”

“We need to get going now if we want to make it back to the hotel before the team. We’ve been out for a while, we can go back and relax now; it’s just not worth staying out for much longer if there’s a greater chance of getting caught.”

That all made perfect sense to him. The control freak in Manu started to shine through once again, feeling a little bit of anxiety building at the thought of not making it back in time. “Right. That’s a good idea.” This time Manu took the hand offered by Thomas, the two men taking one last look around, committing it to memory before heading in the direction of their bike which was, thankfully, still where they’d left it.

They made a start that professional tandem cyclists would be proud of this time.

 

“Stop.”

“ _What?_ ”

“Stop,” Thomas reiterated, “Or keep going, I just have to take my hands off the bars.”

 _What is going on??_ “What? Why do you need to do that?” It wasn’t worth potentially veering out into the not steady but regular stream of traffic to risk a glance back over his shoulder to see what was going on.

“My phone is ringing! It could be the powers that be checking up on us and I really don’t need them calling the hotel…”

To be fair, that definitely made sense. Pulling right into the side of the road, Manu slowed before pressing on the brake so that they came to a complete stop, just in time for Thomas to answer the phone before it rang out.

“Hello?”

Craning his neck awkwardly so that they would stay upright but he would still be able to see his teammate, Manu watched the other man intently.

“ _Thomas… how are you feeling_?”

“Uh… yeah, a bit better. The vomiting has mostly stopped but the nausea is still there. It’s mostly just cramping now.”

“ _Well, at least you’re feeling a bit better. That’s a good thing. How is Manu?_ ”

“Manu never made it past the nausea stage but he’s had some pain. Must have a stronger immune system than I do.”

“ _Great to hear. So you think you’ll be back to fighting form for training tomorrow?_ ”

Just as he opened his mouth to answer that question, a van that was driving past beeped its horn at another car, causing both footballers to jump so much that they almost lost their balance. “ _What was that?_ ”

Making an ‘eek’ face, Thomas trying desperately to come up with an explanation. “Uh… Manu is just watching a movie. Manu! Turn the fucking tv down, there’s someone in Rio that can’t hear it!”

“ _Oh. Maybe it’s his hearing that we should be worried about._ ”

“That’s probably true, I keep telling him it’s going to damage his eardrums…” He shrugged to himself, having no idea where he was getting all this from.

“ _Well, we’ll on our way back so I’ll be able to come check on you in around forty five minutes to an hour._ ”

 _Oh god…_ Pretty sure that he looked like one of those cartoon characters with their eyes bugging out, Thomas exchanged a horrified glance with his team mate who looked like he could drop dead of a heart attack at any moment. _Are you ready to cycle like you’ve never cycled before…_ “Okay, see you then…”

“ _Is there anything you two need us to bring back?_ ”

Almost as if he was hearing the Halleluiah Chorus in his mind, Thomas felt as if he could breathe a little bit easier. But only a little. “Yes! I mean, yeah if you wouldn’t mind?”

“ _No problem. What do you need?_ ”

He mouthed that question at Manu, hoping he had a quick answer but he took too long so Thomas just had to pluck something from his mind and hope to god that it paid off… “Sponges.”

Manu looked at him as if he had lost his mind while there was the briefest moment of silence on the other end of the line. “Sponges?”

 _What have I done?_ “Yeah, sponges. Manu says that he always uses them when he’s got a fever. It’s… soothing.” One look from the other man informed him of the mistake he’d made. “Not that we have fevers but, you know, it’s so hot here and with the nausea…”

“ _Okay... The hotel probably has some-_ “

“No! Not the ones with the rough sides, the natural ones.”

“… _Natural ones_?”  

“Yeah! You know, the ones that come from the sea.”

It’s at that point that Manu completely regretted not prising the phone from the younger man’s hands in the first place. Fucking sea sponges, of all things. Dragging a hand wearily across his face, Manu could only watch as Thomas dug them deeper and deeper into a hole. That was it, his career with the German National team was over. Finished. Goodbye Manu… At that Thomas desperately threw a hand into the air, reminding his friend that he was flying by the seat of his pants.

“ _Right…_ sea _sponges. Anything else? Maybe some native Amazonian woven dishcloths?”_

 _Am I sensing a bit of sarcasm here?_ “Lucozade. But _cold_ Lucozade. Gotta keep those glucose levels up…”

“ _Sure, Mülli,”_ meaning: ‘If you know what you’re doing…’, “ _see you soon.”_

There was silence for a moment as the line went dead before both footballers realised that although they’d just bought themselves some time, they still needed every nanosecond of it. Thomas knew that he would come under fire for his eccentric request later on but for now… there were other things on their minds. “Go, go, go!”

Clumsily attempting to get the bike going once again, falling not even an option this time, it took a moment or two but they were eventually on their way, cycling like they’d never cycled before in their lives. It didn’t matter how sore they would be in the morning, it wasn’t like they would be able to enjoy their fitness if they were kicked off the team anyway.

“Thomas-“

Sensing a telling off was on the cards, Thomas had to think quickly. “Close your mouth, Manu! It’s better for aerodynamics!”

 _I’ll show you aerodynamics…_  

 

His legs were on fire. All he felt was burning as he continued to work the pedals, strongly considering just stopping and letting Manu take them the rest of the way home. But he couldn’t, because he was part of the reason (read: the sole reason) they were in this position in the first place. So he just had to soldier on, thankful that the road signs and monuments looked familiar and they hadn’t ended up lost in the Brazilian countryside. If that were the case, Thomas would have just cycled to the airport; there would be no point going back to the hotel.

“There! There it is!” Now dying of dehydration (which he could blame on the vomiting…), the striker barely managed to get the words of his desert-dry mouth. The sight of the hotel amongst the trees gave him that little burst of energy he needed to make it to the finish line, like an oasis amongst the thousands of miles of sand.

“You’re so lucky…”

 _I know_.

 

*

Poldi: You’re so fucking dead Thomas. Because of you and your fucking sea sponges we’ve been melting in this bus for the past fifteen minutes

Poldi: From Lukas and Basti

Mats: I’ve never hated you as much as I do right now

Fips: You better be on death’s door because I have to put up with a bus full of ravenous footballers who think that _I_ should be the one they complain to

Ron-Robert: I would advise you to make sure your door is locked…

Miro: I hope you’re happy, you’ve started a mutiny

*

The bike wasn’t due back until the end of the day so there was absolutely no way they were going to return it. Instead, they locked it up in the place they had found it earlier on, planning on making a call for the shop to collect it whenever they wanted. As far as the rest of the world knew, they knew absolutely _nothing_ about it.

Sweat was almost pouring from them as they dismounted, legs feeling more like jelly than muscle and bone as they stepped down onto the ground once again. Thomas stumbled (that would have probably happened anyway even if it weren’t for their cycling 30 kilometres in just about forty minutes) and Manu had to grab him, holding him against his chest so they didn’t both go down.

It wasn’t until they had calmed down just a little that Manu realised that their problems were not over yet…

“How are we going to get inside?”

“What do you mean ‘how are we going to get inside?’ We’re going to walk in the door, that’s generally how you enter a building, right?”

The goalkeeper arched an eyebrow. “So we’re just going to waltz right in there past the staff? What happens if someone asks about us? What if they get suspicious?”

It wasn’t the most invalid fear that Thomas had ever heard in his life… They had come out the ‘fire door’ that could only be opened from the inside. “Right. Leave the helmets and sunglasses on and go in the back door by the pool? We can go straight up the stairs then…”

“It will have to do…”

 

“That’s… that’s the bus!”

“ _WHAT?_ ” Turning his head frantically to confirm what Manu had just said, Thomas let out a squeak when he saw the, inconspicuous as it was, team bus coming down the road over the tree tops. _Not good_. “Get inside, _now_ ,” he hissed, pushing the goal keeper so hard that he almost fell over.

Manu didn’t need to be told twice, walking briskly as possible without attracting too much unwanted attention towards the backdoor. Thomas stayed right by his side as they ducked inside, but veered off in another direction entirely to Manu.

“Where are you going?!”

“To the lift!”

“The lift?! Are you crazy? We need to take the _stairs_ ; it’s quicker _and_ there’s less chance of us being seen.”

Desperation in his eyes, Thomas shook his head. “I can’t do it, Manu. I won’t make it up to the fifth floor.”

 _Please don’t do this_. “You can! You just have to put one foot in front of the other.”

“I _can’t_. They don’t work anymore.”

“Fine,” Manu rolled his eyes, not missing the satisfied smile that appeared on the younger man’s face. It didn’t last for long. Before Thomas could move and inch, the goalkeeper wrapped his arms around the striker’s waist and hauled him up over his shoulder.

“ _MANU!_ What the fuck are you doing?”

Okay, so Thomas was a little heavier than he looked but not by that much. Still, he struggled a bit with the extra weight for a moment before he pushed the door to the stairwell open with his spare hand and began taking the steps as quickly, but carefully, as he could. “We are not talking the lift when Jogi could walk through the door any minute,” Manu informed him, through gritted teeth as his leg muscles felt as though they could give way at any moment.

“Alright! Put me down, I’ll walk!”

 _There we go._ Smirking, Manu placed Thomas firmly down on the step, chuckling just a little bit at the indignant look on his teammate’s face before he continued on. Surprisingly, climbing the stairs on his own wasn’t that much easier. But they had just cycled like 30 kilometres…

Two flights of stairs later, they were nearing closer and closer to their destination. But another problem had also presented itself. Stopping for a moment, Thomas raised a hand to silence Manu’s protestations before they even escaped him, straining to extend his range of hearing an extra couple of feet.

Yep, that was a voice. And it was speaking German…

The striker didn’t have to say a word, Manu heard it too. And if that didn’t give them all the motivation they needed to make it to their floor. Taking the steps almost two at a time, the footballers finally reached their destination, practically sprinting down the hallway to get to their room. In a moment of panic, Manu thought he’d lost the key, almost dropping to the floor and bursting into tears when he remembered he’d given it to Thomas (for some inconceivable reason) when they’d left the room. Mercifully, the younger man actually came by the card easily enough, having it plucked from his hands as he fumbled with the lock.

The door opened with a swish and forced closed just as quickly, the two men taking a moment to let the fact that they’d made it back sink in. Letting all the laughter melt the stress away as he unbuckled his helmet and removed his sunglasses, Manu shook his head in disbelief, especially when he saw the grin on Thomas’ face. “You’re lucky…”

“Pff, we’re lucky. You were in this too.”

He was just about to concede to that point when Thomas stripped away his helmet and glasses, the words dying before they could escape him. _Oh fuck_. “Thomas…”

“What?”

 _We’re dead_. “Look in the mirror…”

An uneasy feeling building in his stomach, Thomas slowly made his way into the bathroom, eyes loosely closed until his stomach hit against the granite counter. Cracking one eye open, he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when he saw his reflection. _Not good_. “Oh shit.”

That was a pretty apt reaction. Apparently, his relatively pale German skin _was_ no match for the midday Brazilian sun, his face looking an awful lot redder than it had that morning despite the fact that he’d worn sun cream. It probably shouldn’t have come as too much of a surprise that they’d sweated it all off.

“Maybe we can pass it off as redness from being sick?”

Manu leaned against the doorjamb, hint of a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth as he assessed the situation. “I have a better idea…”

*

Manu: I need your help

Mario: I’m not helping u with anything. It’s your fault we were stuck on that bus 4 so long

Manu: Thought you might say that…

Manu: It would be a shame if those photos from what you got up to on the team bus the other day were to come to Jogi’s attention…

Mario: I’m listening

Grinning to himself, Manu paused for a moment before beginning to type once again. _Excellent_.

*

“Uh, Dr Müller-Wolfhart?”

Turning to see who was calling him, Hans saw Marco Julian Draxler making his through the lobby towards him. The most worrying part was the clear look of discomfort on the youngster’s face. “Julian, what can I do for you?”

“Are you busy?”

“I was just about to head up to see Müller and Neuer were. No doubt they’ll be wanting their supplies…” the doctor grimaced, giving the back containing the illusive sea sponges and less illusive cold Lucozade (that wasn’t cold anymore) a shake, “What’s the matter?”

“Uh…” trying to remember exactly what he’d been told to do, the Wolfsburg midfielder grabbed his calf as he suddenly remembered, “I think I tweaked a muscle on that hike this morning, could you take a look at it if you have time?”

Well, he supposed the terrible twosome weren’t going anywhere. “Sure, Draxler. Follow me…”

*

Making his way to the door when there was a knock, Manu looked through the peep hole to make sure it was the right person before quickly opening the door, reaching out a hand to pull his teammate inside before anyone else could see.

“Ooff!”

“Did you bring the stuff?”

Grimacing, Mario shook the small black zip up bag. “Yes, but I don’t appreciate being blackmailed.”

“You can lodge a complaint to Jogi later on, now get to work.”

The baby faced striker huffed as he made his way over to sit down on the bed in front of Thomas, unloading his supplies. “Just so you know these aren’t mine…” Mario assured them as he pulled out the bottle of foundation and squirted some onto the back of his hand, “I obtained it from a friend.”

 _Sure, we all believe that_. “Right,” Manu rolled his eyes, “Just get to work. Quick.”

“You’re sure this shade will suit me?” Thomas wondered, scrunching his face up at the foreign feeling of liquid makeup and brush on his face.

“Do I look like a fucking makeup artist? It’s all I have. I won’t put on too much or else it will be too obvious. You just want to take some of the redness away. Speaking of which, mind telling me how this happened? Since you two were so sick today…”

“Yeah sure. First, let me just forward these pictures to-“

“Okay! I’ll ask no questions but once I finish this you have to give me your phone to delete those photos.”

“Fair enough.”

“Thomas stop moving or I’m going to poke you in the eye!”

*

Drax: I held off as long as I could but he’s on his way up

Manu: You did great, Julian. We owe you one

Drax: I’m definitely going to cash in on that one

“Okay, Mario you’ve got to go. Hans is on his way up.”

“One second,” he chewed on his lower lip, swiping a _little_ bit of concealer beneath his teammate’s eyes where the burn was the worst before sitting back and admiring his handiwork. “There. Sunburn be gone.”

Rising from where he had been sitting, Thomas made for the bathroom, eyes widening in shock when he saw that he looked pretty much as he always did, just with a little bit more colour. He touched his face, even more surprised when the makeup felt practically non-existent. “Mario, you’re a genius.”

Mario smirked, packing his bag once again. “I know. Now phone please.”

 _Uh, about that…_ Rubbing the back of his neck, Manu bit his lip. “You see, the thing is, I don’t actually have any pictures. But it is burned in my mind for the rest of my life so you owe me anyway.”

“You fucker!” Punching the goalkeeper on the arm, Mario made for the door, “But I am just a little bit impressed.”

“Just go before Hans arrives and wonders why you’re here.”

“Can I not visit my poor, sickly good friends? Especially when they may not make it through the night…”

“ _Go_. You can make all the digs you want later on,” Manu informed him, holding the door open for his Bayern colleague.

The smirk he received in response told him that Mario was planning on doing just that. “Get well soon, boys.”

 As soon as the door shut Manu made his way over to turn on the tv, grabbing a random pair of tracksuit bottoms to change into instead of his shorts so it looked more like he’d been lounging all day. Thomas returned from the bathroom, messing up the bed that looked a bit too neat to have been laid in all day before hopping in, one leg under the covers and one over. Crawling down to the bottom of his bed, Manu stretched out his arms in front of him, folding them so that he could rest his chin while he stared, looking sufficiently bored, at the television that was showing some Brazilian soap opera.

“Do you think this is going to work?”

“I really hope so.”

Not two minutes later there was a knock on the door and Thomas, already in character, groaned as he hauled himself to his feet (it was only a little bit exaggerated) and made for the door. He made sure it was actually Müller-Wolfhart before pulling it open, aware that he probably should have left this job to the goalkeeper.

“Müller, you’re looking an awful lot better,” the doctor looked suitably relieved, stepping past the forward as he made his way into the room. “Neuer, you look a little bit flushed but if Thomas is heading in the right direction then you shouldn’t be far behind him. Any changes since I’ve last spoken to you?”

Croaking just a little bit for effect, Manu sat up. “I feel like I’m getting better. Maybe it was just a close call with me. I’m probably just flushed from being in bed all day.”

“Yeah,” Thomas smirked and the other footballer instantly knew that something bad was coming, “It was the only thing we could do to pass the time, right Manu?” 

“Right.” _Stop talking_. _He’ll either think we were up to something or fucking. And I’m not sure which one of those is worse…_

“Well, I hope you still need those natural sea sponges; they weren’t easy to come by.”

“We do, I’m planning on giving Manu a sponge bath later on if he’s not feeling up to a shower.”

Almost choking on air, Manu looked at the team doctor imploringly. “Please, take me with you. I’ve been here with him _all day_.”

Hans placed the bag down on the table by the window, chuckling to himself. “Sorry Manu but we can’t risk you infecting anyone else, I hope you understand. But if you’re feeling up to it I can have the kitchen send up some scrambled eggs and toast? Getting some food into you might help if the nausea has calmed down enough.”

“Mmm, yes please. Now that I’m starting to feel better I’m starving.” That wasn’t a lie. They had never stopped for food of any kind on their travels, so Manu was fully sure that his teammate could and would probably eat a cow if it were put in front of him at that moment.

“Thought as much. I’ll get that sorted and I’ll call up again to check on you after the team lunch. I know it’s frustrating being holed up here but just relax, you haven’t been able to do much of that since we got here.”

“Will do,” Manu answered, eager for the doctor to leave, “Thanks Hans.”

The oldest of the three waved it off as he made for the door once again, briefly bidding them farewell before exiting the room, leaving them alone once again.

He waited a couple of moments but once he was sure that Müller-Wolfhart was gone, Thomas let out a relieved sigh, throwing the covers dramatically off of him. “Thank god. We survived!”

“Barely,” Manu reminded him but couldn’t help the little smile that formed on his face, “I really didn’t think we could pull it off.”

“I know you didn’t but I did. I never doubted us. But you have to admit that we had a great time.”

“Hmm, it wasn’t so bad I guess,” the goalie said but his expressed betrayed his true feelings. Letting out a little chuckle in disbelief, Manu turned onto his back just as he had done on the beach earlier, allowing himself to relax fully for the first time since he’d had breakfast that morning. “Thanks for an experience, Mülli. It really is unforgettable.” _Maybe not all for good reasons._

Thomas grinned. “You’re welcome. Actually, I saw this sign for this place on the way back-“

“NO.”


End file.
